Giant complicated long-winded Homestuck theories below! Do NOT read if you haven’t gotten all the way up to the end of the latest update. Spoilers are everywhere.

Plot/Character Theories

Yeah, it looks bad. Jake is silenced by a severe blow to the head, and immediately afterwards we find out his light has been blown out. This must mean he’s dead, right?

Except it doesn’t.

Look what it says about Jane’s light - it went out, and then it re-lit. This mirrors what happened with her dreamself, where Jack stabbed her to death but her life powers brought her back. However, Jane’s physical self never died. The closest she came was the mailbox explosion GCat saved her from. So if her physical self never died, why would her light go out?

The lamps represent the character’s dreamselves, not both selves. Jake’s blow to the head is a red herring, intended to freak out the fans and make us panic. And I can be certain of this…

…because this scene from the end of Act 6 Intermission 1 hasn’t happened yet. It’s one of the few things from that flash that hasn’t. But it’s about to! He thinks the volcano is going to blow because of the tremors, but he hasn’t gone back aboveground to see the lava and fire yet.

Alternatively, this could be his land.

Dirk and Roxy’s lights are also mentioned, in an indication that their dreamselves will die soon. I think I know how this is going to happen.

We aren’t done with Meenah yet. This scene right here? I think it’s foreshadowing a moment where Meenah tries to stab Roxy’s sleeping dreamself again, and Dirk pulls a John and shoves her out of the way.

Only unlike John, Dirk is physically there.

And once he’s gone? Nothing’s stopping Meenah from going after Roxy.

—-

Sound familiar?

Her situation is paralleling Rose’s, except the fire was probably caused by the Condesce’s drones.She won’t be able to prototype her sprite because she’ll be forced to enter the Medium before she BURNS TO A CRISP.

—-

I think this pretty much confirms uu and UU are one person! UU “took a nap” and her coplayer “made a terrible mess”? There’s definitely something tricky going on here…

The invincible demons here must be Bec Noir and Lord English. And this confirms that the Alpha and Beta kids are going to team up and fight the baddies before creating their universe.

This might have something to do with Jane’s Quest Bed? It looks like three of the trolls and/or Beta kids are going to have to help Jane reach god tier. Right now I’m thinking it’ll be Rose, Terezi, and Jade; since the first two have Seer powers and Jade has Guardian powers.

There’s pretty much no way this isn’t a Chekov’s gun somehow.

“When Heart looks northwest…” Northwest to Skaia?

The Other Three Lands

In the lands of the Beta kids, at least one quality of the two was connected to their aspect. The Heir of Breath had the Land of Wind and Shade, the Knight of Time had the Land of Heat and Clockwork, the Seer of Light had the Land of Light and Rain, and the Witch of Space had the land of Frost and Frogs (in this canon, frogs can be considered a quality relating to Space because of the nature of universes, which are giant astral frogs. Damn, Homestuck is weird.) The troll lands are less consistent in regards to this - what the hell do Little Cubes and Tea have to do with Heart? - but the pattern is still there: the Knight of Blood had the Land of Pulse and Haze, the Heir of Void had the Land of Caves and Silence, the Page of Breath had the Land of Sand and Zephyr…

However, as we saw in the recent update, the Maid of Life’s land is the Land of Crypts and Helium. Crypts. As in tombs, or places where the dead rest. Her land reflects the opposite of her aspect, rather than the aspect itself. Why? For now, we don’t know, but it likely has something to do with the lack of prototyping and the void session. We can infer from this that the other three lands will reflect opposites of the Nobles’ aspects as well.

The opposite of hope is despair -this one is pretty obvious. Less obvious is the opposite of heart, as there are multiple connotations to the word. For example, such as in the phrase “take heart”, heart represents determination and optimism, yet the Heart aspect’s association with the concept of “soul” implies a more literal meaning. Opposites of soul, the essence of human spirituality, include body, thought, logic, and rationality. So just as the Maid of Life’s land involved crypts, which are intrinsically linked to death, the lands of the Page of Hope and Prince of Heart will likely be tied to despair and thought/physicality in some way.

(Interesting note here: Dirk’s aspect is both synonymous with Hope and an antonym to Void, depending on which meaning you consider. Make of that what you will.)

Roxy’s land is more difficult to consider. The obvious thought is that the Rogue of Void’s land will be tied to the opposite of void, which is substance or fullness. However, neither of those can really be interpreted as something barren, lifeless or lost like the other three antonyms, and we know from the following screenshot that all the planets will have been empty long before the Nobles ever arrived. In addition, the session itself is Void, which makes me think Roxy’s land may actually be synonymous with her aspect. Unfortunately, I found it difficult to find many words associated with either void or substance that started with the right letters, so I’m probably completely wrong in regards to Roxy’s land at least.

So in conclusion, just as the Maid of Life’s land was tied to death, the lands of Hope and Heart will be tied to despair and thought. The Rogue of Void’s land, on the other hand, might still be synonymous with her aspect.

The second quality of each land is likely one of the noble gases. The Alpha kids are referred to as “Nobles”, Helium is a noble gas, and there are three noble gases that match up with letters in the land acronyms - Neon, Krypton, and Xenon. I’m almost positive that these will be the second qualities for each land. Supporting this theory is the fact that Shade, Rain, Frost, and Heat are all conditions caused by temperature, weather, and air pressure; connecting the Beta lands together.

This is a list of possibilities for the first descriptive factor of each world, organized according to which kid they might be associated with. Some of these are definitely long shots, of course, as I’m getting these off of thesaurus websites. They can have… conflicting accuracy, sometimes (body is listed as both a synonym and antonym to soul on one site, for instance), and they’re obviously wordy. Crossed-out suggestions for Roxy indicate synonyms of void, whereas normally written ones indicate antonyms. There are one or two repeats, but very few.

LOPAN: Land of P—- and Neon

• Pain/Pessimism/Plague/Pills (to treat depression)/Poison/Pests/Pensiveness (Jake)

• Plan/Premise/Prospect/Purpose/Philosophy/Perception/Perspicacity/Prudence Propriety/Purpose/Pencils or Paper (both associated with knowledge and learning)/Precision/Prophecies (Dirk)

• Plenty/Purity/Pit/Poverty/Preterition (Roxy)

LOTAK - Land of T—- and Krypton

• Trials/Tribulations/Torment/Trouble/Torture/Tremors/Trembles/Trepidation Towels (throw in the towel)/Tedium/Twinges/Tests/Tears (Jake)

• Thesis/Thought/Tenet/Truth/Trains (train of thought)/Theories/Texts (Dirk)

• Totality/Tumescence/Texture/Tangibility/Things/Termination (Roxy)

LOMAX - Land of M—- and Xenon

• Melancholy/Misery/Misgiving/Morbidity/Moths (associated with death and despair in some cultures)/Malaise/Moons (Jake)

• Marrow/Mind/Mortality/Material/Matter/Meditation/Muse (Dirk)

• Matter/Mass/Material/Messes/Multiplicity/Mean (Roxy)

Note: explodeyfaces, my HOMESTUCK SIFU (aka the one who got me to read it) says she thinks the lands will be LOCAH - Land of Crypts and Helium, LOPAN - Land of Pyramids and Neon, LOTAK - Land of Tombs and Krypton, and LOMAX - Land of Mausoleums and Xenon. This is also very possible, even if it doesn’t relate to the aspects!