gyzym:

So, in the wake of reading this terrifying shit, Postcard and I started chatting, as you do, about the zombie apocalypse. Here are some things Postcard and I enjoy: zombie media, common sense, and YELLING ABOUT STUFF. Thus, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy our simple twenty-step guide to NOT DYING in the unlikely event that a zombie apocalypse ravages humanity:

1. IN THE EVENT OF AN ACTUAL APOCALYPTIC SITUATION, ASSUME THAT THE FOLLOWING THINGS ARE GOING TO STOP WORKING: running water (this includes toilets); anything that relies on electricity (this includes gas pumps); anything that relies on natural gas lines (this includes gas stoves/central heat); basically, anything that relies on there being a factory of some variety at the other end of thing you want to make do stuff. THAT’S ALL GONNA BREAK. THIS INCLUDES THE INTERNET. Thus, the most important thing to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse is: 
2. RESEARCH. For as long as you possess the internet, do everything you can to learn as much as possible. Research edible/medicinal plants (or seriously, go into a bookstore and loot your shit a guidebook, they’re not large, they sell little tiny ones, you can put it in your pocket, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE NOT DO THIS). Research, from available information, how the zombies work/which of their senses are functional—for example, if they operate largely by smell, you want to work on smelling not alive. If they operate largely by sight, DON’T LIGHT FIRES AT NIGHT. And speaking of fires…

Read More

Juuuuust in case, followers.

I’m one of those people who would rather commit suicide as a healthy human than struggle out a living in a zombie-infested world, not LEAST because I don’t think enough people consider the spiritual repercussions of zombification (I’m not religious, but what if souls exist, and zombification traps yours in your decaying body for all eternity with no hope of release? HELL NO, I’D NEVER RISK THAT, “I-HAVE-NO-MOUTH-AND-I-MUST-SCREAM” SCENARIOS ARE MY WORST NIGHTMARE) but maybe you’re interested in this? It’s really practical!

…lmao, what am I even doing, there are no zombies.